Legalese, For Law Students

Law students are used to unfamiliar words. Words like in forma pauperis, dicta, and de novo make you sound like a lawyer. But as our eyes get blurry and bloodshot reading opinion after opinion, we should recognize what these words actually mean. Not the formal, Black’s Law Dictionary meaning, but what the words’ “plain meaning.” Here’s a sampling:

• Dicta: This is judges’ way of saying, “Just saying.”

•  In Forma Pauperis: Don’t do this, you’re a lawyer. Most of these cases are without merit, you should know that.

• Pro Bono: Depending on your type of law, your employer, and (as a student) your work schedule, you may or may not be able to do any of this.

• Dismissed with(out) Prejudice:  Doesn’t mean what you think it means. Court is likely not dismissing your case because it hates lawyers. In fact, it welcomes lawyers like you all the time.

• Actual Malice: In defamation law, this doesn’t mean “malice” at all. So, it’s not actual malice, is it?

• De Novo: Judges are saying, “Let’s have a do-over.”

• Orginialism: Out with the new, stick to the old

• Textualism: Stick to the four corners of the documents, also Scalia is my homeboy.

• Totality of the Circumstances: Let’s lawyers have a fuzzy test to have room to argue. Whoever came up with this phrase deserves a medal.

Rules of Uncivil Procedure

Your authors happened upon this book in the trenches, The Rules of Uncivil Procedure, authored by a illustrious (or infamous) group of first-year law students who decided to note ways not to score friends in law school. Enjoy these selections:

Rule 47: Showing up to each class late 15 minutes or more is a good idea, nothing good happens then anyway. Try to outdo yourself each time – no one notices anyway, especially when you sit in the middle of the row. Your classmates understand and are happy to accommodate your triumphant entry into your seat.

Rule 53: In class, you should answer every question, without fail, regardless of how appropriate it may be. Having an answer is better than having no answer. Feel free to yell it out, the whole hand-raising thing is just a suggestion.

Rule 69: Dating within the section is highly recommended. Try to date as many of your classmates as possible: there’s a whole section out there just waiting to get to know you better.

Rule 77: When bringing food to class, choose the most odorous foods possible. The smells will envelope each of your classmates in a warm, comfy sensation and they will feel happy for your health that you chose to eat instead of get additional minutes sleeping in the library.

Rule 82: Relate every answer to your own personal experience. Your classmates will appreciate your application of legal doctrine to grounding in your storied background. See Rule 69, they want to get to know you better. While up to the the Professor’s discretion, try to elaborate for three (3) minutes or more whenever you speak in class.

The Battle Against Sleep

Most people need approximately eight hours of sleep every night. Law students, particularly 1L’s, are apparently immune from this imposition. Rather than bow down to this natural law, 1L’s are positive they can handle several sleepness nights reading, writing, and Bluebooking. Professors certainly don’t help as they assign more and more. What’s a 1L to do? Here are some options:

• Eat: Take comfort in learning how to cook. Boil water. Now you’re cooking with gas.

• Pray: Take refuge in the Almighty. These three years will be over before you know it and then you’ll be out in the world with many more sleepless nights to come.

• Love: Take a lover, maybe two. When its not the books keeping you up, maybe something else will…

• Begin: Start your work earlier. Maybe the reason why you’re up so late is that you can’t get your work done during normal waking hours.

• End: Stop distracting practices like your goal of watching every video on YouTube. There may be other things you could be doing that may be more productive. Just a thought.

• Relax: The 80s said it best, “Relax.” Get to it after a bit of a break. Recharge. Recuperate. The books may be winning this battle, but you’ll win the war if you take some time for yourself.

Week 2

Ok, so you’ve come off your Week 1 high. You’ve drunk the Russian vodka, had the French wine, and freed your felon. Congrats. Now, you get some sweet, sweet Week 2 action.

Starting now, you know things. You know you some LRW. You know you some Con Law or some Contracts, or else some Torts or some Civ Pro. Regardless, you’re 1/6 of the way to lawyer-dom. Next step, class.

Classes with computers. Classes without computers. Classes with sites on TWEN. Classes with sites on Courseware. Classes here. Classes there.

Enjoy this feeling, the excitement of wondering what the next class will be like. What will the professor do next? Forget to tuck in his shirt? Talk about the syllabus for 70 minutes?

Don’t let those silly grades stifle you. All the best in Semester 2, 1L’s!

What are you looking forward to this semester? Post some comments down below

Ah, Week One

Alright. We brought you back early for an intensive on International Law. Can’t you feel the excitement for trans-national issues, contract disputes, extradition negotiations, or defamation claims? Well, at least it’s an opportunity to do a fair amount of online shopping, Face-booking, news-reading, jobs-applying, and daydreaming. As we’ll feeling generous, here are some tips to get you through Week One:

DO:

• Enjoy your free time

• Enjoy the Pass

• Go to the sessions, each and every one of them, even if you have Dengue Fever

• Take pity on the upperclassmen who are taking Week 1 with you

• Listen, if you want to

DON’T:

• Think how much this is costing you

• Think what else you could be doing

• Get drunk at the reception and badger your professors

• Forget to swipe in to a plenary

• Miss your simulation – don’t let that happen to you

All in all, Week 1 is not that bad and is a pretty decent transition to Second Semester. It had its moments, and then it didn’t have its moments and some of those moments lasted way too long. For those interested in International Law, it’s a nice introduction, and I actually enjoyed the simulation.

What was your Week 1 experience like? Tell us in the comments below:

Spring Break, Part 1

Ah, Spring Break…wait. We have class Thursday. What’s this? Presidents’ Day/Faculty Retreat (PDFR) three-days vacation – you are such a tease. You’re too short to allow me to really immerse myself in travel, yet too long to be a normal weekend. PDFR, you’re an anomaly. PDFR, I like you, but you’re an oddball.

PDFR is better than a normal week of class, although Gewirz has emptied out and my inbox as well as my Section’s Facebook wall aren’t nearly as active. Still though, I can’t concentrate on the FRCP during PDFR. I blame the break.

PDFR doesn’t feel right. Knowing that I have Monday class next Thursday just doesn’t sit well. Knowing that the brief is in and arguments are a few days away gives me calm, all to be shattered in a few days when I realize I should have been working harder over PDFR.