Top Thirteen Things To Do After You Get Your First Semester 1L Grades

1. Sit in your shower. Cry.
2. Work out aggression at the gym. Realize that running on the treadmill is a metaphor for your lack of progress in law school.
3. Determine who was in the top 10% of your class. Plan elaborate sabotage.
4. Decide to never have fun again. Move into the library.
5. Decide to ignore grades from now on, and focus only on partying. “Networking” will save you.
6. Berate your professors under the guise of going over your exams.
7. Check your horoscope. Re-interpret anything it says to reflect however you feel about your grades.
8. Call your parents. Inform them that grades won’t come out till June. June 2015.
9. Consider alternate career choices. The market for taxidermists and circus unicyclists is recession-proof. Especially when you can do both at once.
10. Complain to all your non-law school friends.
11. Complain to all your law school friends.
12. Write a moderately humorous hilarious [ed.] piece for the Law Weekly.
13. Be really proud that your hard work paid off, and go into second semester with a positive attitude, certain in your own ability and the bright future ahead of you.

Oh wait, if that last one applies to you, then you are the 25%.
Also, I hate you.