For Sale: One slightly used immortal soul. “Fairly good” condition. Price: $160K a year. And a company car. Also up for sale: firstborn, an arm and/or a leg. If you have the power to seal this deal, you know how to get a hold of me.
LOST: Self-confidence and hope for my future. If found, please return to me (sobbing 1L on fourth floor of Williams). Reward!!!!!!!
LOST: Sense of dignity. Last seen around 1:30AM the night of Barrister’s Ball. Most likely lying in a puddle in a gutter in Dupont. I’m a little low on cash right now, but my IOUs are rated even higher than Greek government bonds. Contact JDjokester@sectiontwo.org.