Q: How do you stay motivated to go to the gym and work out?

        That’s an easy question. I go in search of my next hot date. People love to see their partners toned up and ready to go. I just rob some shiny oil on my body, and once I see a potential hot date coming, I jump on a treadmill, and that’s my exercise for the day. Pretty swell.

Q: How can I stay awake?

     You should get enough sleep. But if that is not possible, I would recommend drinking 5 cups of coffee a day, 3 bottles of Five-Hour Energy, and 4 cups of anything else that contains caffeine. You won’t be able to go to sleep for a while, and you will have time to study and socialize with people.

Q: I try to cook my own food so as to save money, but I despise what I make. Any suggestions?

         That’s pretty easy. Get a recipe book and follow directions. However, I have heard that there are people who have an aversion to being near the kitchen or making anything. If you are that type of person, you should make close friends with people who cook so that you can always visit them for free food. Don’t forget that there are lots of free food events, and you can sign up for the “freefoodlistserv.”

Q: How do I keep my concentration without taking drugs?

2. A fortune teller. You may be able to divine the path of your soul from their predictions. But be aware that they tell the same thing to everyone that can pay their fees.

3. Philosophy. It can help you gain knowledge and understand of the meaning of life for others, but you may go raving mad to the point of losing it.

4. The rising sun. It can be a motivation to start life anew, but don’t become a roasted potato.

2. If you feel lost, you have two options: either study or put your hands up and leave your success in the hands of the gods. You have a 50/50 chance with the gods.

3. If you choose to study, it’s best to understand that sooner or later, you will become a walking zombie, and you won’t recognize yourself in the mirror nor will you want to be around yourself.

4. Start doing a cumulative review of your class notes in the library, but don’t be the student who takes off his shirt to study in the library or worse - brings a blanket and pillow to do an all-nighter. That is so college.

5. If you want reassurance that you are not alone, form a study group with “stress-loving” students who strive on creating and seeing other people sweat and panic with anxiety.

Women have more to lose when it comes to making the first move, given social norms concerning sexual aggressiveness. But it’s unfair that men are expected to always initiate, especially in today’s supposedly modern, increasingly gender-neutral world.

There’s an easy solution. No one ask anyone out on a date, ever. Easy.

Does that answer not satisfy you? Then maybe you should do something about it. Like speak more than three sentences to that cute barista you keep eyeing every weekday morning. Or actually ask out that girl you’ve had a crush on since high school.

Or not. You could always just choose to be alone forever, which is a rational and cost-effective option. FB;GM?

I’m a non-hideous person with only the average law student amount of social awkwardness. Why am I still single?

2. Make some bad decisions. It’ll give you something fun to talk about during the Character & Fitness portion of the Bar

3. Travel. Anywhere. Just get the [censored] out of Dodge already. The library will be there for you when you get back. The library is always there for you. Unlike anyone else in your life.

4. Hang out with friends and family. Do they remember what you look like? Enjoy the legal questions that will inevitably arise. Be horrified when you actually know the answers. Congratulations, you’re becoming a lawyer. I know. It’s the worst.

5. Work out. You look pasty and pudgy. No, really. Look in the mirror. Law school is not doing you any favors. Your J.D. is worth almost nothing in today’s dating market. Though, you should definitely try to impress a girl at a club with the phrase “T14.” Keep us updated. We’ll wait.

6. Read. The Law Weekly has an archive of articles and is clearly the best choice for Spring Break reading. I mean, you could pick up the newest Zadie Smith or finally finish War and Peace but archives of a law school newspaper are really the best choice for you.

Can men and women be friends?

The answer is yes. Gay men and straight women are often great friends.

Seriously speaking, this question seems a bit outdated in 2013, especially as it is well-recognized that people of all sexualities exist. (There are probably sexualities we haven’t discovered yet. I’m pretty sure there’s some college GSA creating a list of new sexualities right as we speak.) The question itself is a bit heteronormative, implying that gender affects relationships in only one particular way.

If you think it’s tough for heterosexual men and women to be friends, just consider the dynamics between friends of the same same-sex orientation. (Or bisexuals! D.C. is probably a huge buffet of mildly-appetizing foods for them.) Is that guy just a really good friend, or a potential boyfriend? This is an easy question for feline-oriented men because, as a general rule, you guys don’t want to stick it into your pickup basketball buddies. However, for gay men, every gay guy could potentially be either friend or f-buddy. And sometimes both. Which I hear is the best part about being gay. Yes, that’s offensive. But true? Probably not for law students. Gay or straight, most law students probably score lower than average on…scoring.

But we did do well on the LSAT. And that’s what matters in life. Law school > love. Remember that.